LB ~ I relate in so many ways. The scratch story is almost word for word what I have faced over and over and over again. One day when things are more wrapped up I will post some of the more interesting stories here... there are some good ones. (One of my favorites: when she asked, in mediation, for a pedicure in return for "maintaining the marital home" -- which I was paying the full mortgage for).
There are a couple different factors in my situation that led me down the legal path. I did try mediation for a few months, but it went absolutely nowhere. I think money is a huge motivating factor, but there are other things at play. One of her family members went through a D where the X did make violent threats. My STBXW wants to move away. She wants to keep the marital home. She wants final say and control over anything related to the children.
As a friend of mine who went through this always tells me, "It's about her narrative." As long as she plays the victim, I will be the monster and subject to false allegations. At least through the legal process I will get some protection soon.
People have told me to "just ignore her" but the fact is... when you are accused of abuse, there is a presumption of guilt. You have to defend yourself and explain, no matter how false or exaggerated or outlandish the accusations. It has happened in front of 5 different mandatory reporters by now. There is a perpetual fear of losing your children. It is NOT a fun process, and it isn't just a "shrug it off" kind of thing. As soon as these people hear an accusation, you are on the hot seat and you have to explain yourself, no matter how outrageous or minimal the accusation.
I stopped living in fear about 4 months ago when I stepped up and confronted the issue. Mediation didn't work. I knew the legal process would be painful and expensive, but I am so happy I went this way.
I'm really happy for you to be out of the atmosphere of fear. I'll be there soon, and I already feel much lighter on my feet.
