I won't lie about where my thoughts have been. I found a workshop for marriages... not necessarily recon but for finding ways in moving forward with M or D. I don't feel I've asked for anything during this time. It would be a big ask. Of course timing is important.
This is what I am talking about when I say your hamster wheel.
If you need to pour your heart out and explain your eternal and unconditional love for him and ask him to take a workshop with you in order to feel you left no stone unturned and to get closure, then you should do it.
Before you do it, I would just ask you to consider what will happen if you do it and he laughs about it? Then tells OW and they laugh about it together.
What are you going to do then?
Is there any chance that you will then feel you didn't express yourself clearly enough, and need to ask to go on Dr. Phil?
I guess what I'm asking is "where is the finish line?" At what point do you feel you will trust that he fully understands how you feel and still chooses not to reconcile?
I hate to ask you that question, but I also don't want to see you forever stuck.
There is nothing you can do right now to end the affair or get your H back.
How does that feel? Crappy right? Used to fixing things? Used to finding a way? Familiar with the feeling that if you work hard enough, anything is possible? None of that applies now, there is nothing you can do. You need to surrender to that, grieve it and find peace with it. Fighting against it sets you up as their adversary, pushes them together and you away. If you continue to actively try to disrupt the affair and get your H back, you will only dig your hole deeper and deeper, and that will be a debt that will take you a long time to recover from.
Originally Posted by KitCat
To me it looks like he is in a good place right now but SS20 had a slightly different view... like the only positive he came up with was a short commute to work.
This is very typical for people who care about you to say to make you feel better.
