I totally agree with what Ginger is saying and if I was more familiar with your sitch, I could comment with more certainty. Only you know your wife...the rest of us are just theorizing based on what you tell us and our own experiences. I would caution you on one thing though, unless you know different... I would caution you against assigning any ill intent to your wife’s actions. In other words, unless she is a sociopath, I don’t think she is sitting at home plotting on how to screw you over. I think she is like most humans... she is acting on her feelings. Sometimes she probably really misses family time which is when she reaches out. Sometimes she feels like it is too much which is when she retreats. She is likely conflicted. I don’t think it benefits you to theorize or overanalyze her motives other than that she is acting in a way that is congruent with how she is feeling in the moment and probably isn’t too worried about how it affects you or what message it sends...especially since you seem to be doing just fine.
So the ball is really in your court. If you are okay with status quo, keep doing what you are doing. If you want to stop the cake eating, then stop it. Two things could happen. 1. She could accept it and slowly fade from your life; or 2. It could scare her and make her examine her feelings and actions a little more closely. In the end, she may still choose to fade away from your life or maybe she would choose to do some work on herself and on your relationship which she would have no choice but to do if she wants to stay married. Really just depends on your resolve and what you are willing or not willing to put up with. Just my opinion... for what it is worth.
