Dreadfully Optimistic

[ATLGuy13]

As for ea/pa, I think I can dismiss it on logistics. She works from home 100%. I have no idea where she would fit it in her day. If she leaves the house our s6 goes with her. Good, bad, or indifferent, the woman literally has no social life, like “girl nights out” for example. if I leave the house she doesn’t care if S6 comes.

Does that make sense? To have an ea/pa you have to actually have a spot in the day where it happens! If anything she has an emotional attachment with her family; parents, and sister, and nieces, in lieu of anything with me. This is not affair obviously, but is akin to one in a sense. It also makes me concerned that she wishes to move back home to rural NC, where I can’t find any meaningful work, and I’ll be separated from my son. But, this isn’t certain, she might be totally agreeable with coparenting.

She simply views my depression/mental health (and subsequent job losses) as not her problem or something that is not within her scope to properly help with. Due to my poor composure, she has over the last 4 years used more negative energy, which have yielded more depression from me, and a situation which slowly falls apart in a downward spiral.

My W uses our long failed attempts at CT as her defense for not wanting R. Our attempts at CT have been ineffective in much the same way how MWD describes as the typical short comings of hourly CT; too short, infrequent, “root cause based.” Instead of focusing on what each truly wanted, and building from there! Solution based.

I find MWD in Divorce Remedy and all the answers are RIGHT FREAKING THERE! black and white! God I wish I found this just a year or two ago! But, every time I googled for marriage repair direction it was seemingly all affair based or substance abuse based. Making me feel worse, that my marriage was failing simply because I’m a failure.

Now I’ve got these books, and this site, and I wish I could have a H2H conversation, show her, but those same books tell me not too. So I wait, not knowing what is happening. She knows I have the books, as our s6 opened the amazon boxes thinking they were new toys. She’s said nothing. I am reading change your life and everyone in it, and she says nothing about it while i read it on the couch. I’m reading Dave Ramsey books on money, she says nothing. I want to have a talk with her; about trying the DB approach, or if not come up with concrete plans for separation. None of this cowardly opaque language of “I don’t think our marriage can be saved” garbage. It’s BS, say you want D, or say you just want space. I am sick of purgatory.

One of my best friends is in R with his W thinks that advice of not having a serious H2H is poor, and i have a hard time arguing with him. They just had a double ea/pa and are now back together after really despising each other, and only talking during their mediation meetings. Before that mediation was done, they had a phone call, which led to them talking, meeting up, making out, sex and bam, mediation over, and now R. Six months later they just bought a new house.

It might work, stun her, say hey, “you’re not happy, it’s not what I want, but if you truly are not happy how do you want to plan our separation?” Take emotion out of it. Then again, it might not, but if we come up with a plan and execute she can’t say I’m doing anything just to get her back. I’m convinced that anything I am doing differently now just gets filed away in that mental folder. At least my 180s would find a different, and perhaps a better mental folder. One that makes it clear what she’s giving up.

I wonder if she’s just waiting on me to get a job. She makes a lot of money, 2x my typical salary. It would make sense for alimony and all that Jazz. We also have a ton of debt, and a house to sell. None of which can be easily settled without two incomes. I’m only guessing a lawyer or mediator would tell her that too.