(((PLC))). Gosh I remember being where you are. It was so, so hard. At the time, I hated that my H moved out pretty much right after I found out about his double life. Now I am grateful because I think an IHS would have been so much more difficult to move on from. There is something to be said for out of sight out of mind. It doesn’t happen right away but eventually it does...not if they are still living with you though.
I remember when XH and I had a talk in what used to be our bedroom. Normally he would have sat on the bed across from me but this time he leaned up against the window and that was my first thought...he feels like he is cheating on OW just by being in the room with me. Same for when he finds himself talking to me too much now. There is a point, if we have too friendly or too long of an exchange, where I see or feel (if he is texting me) him shut down...like seeing me in too positive of a light is a betrayal and also flies in the face of his belief that I am the cause of his unhappiness. He has to see me that way otherwise he has to look in the mirror and that is just too painful.
I, too, scoured this site for success stories when I first joined this forum and did not see myself as ready to face the idea of a life without my H. But I realized over time that that was just my fear getting in my way. The reality was that I was already living that life. I don’t know whose threads you have read but one of the most well-known ones on here is BluWave. She still visits from time to time and may even stop by to comment on yours. She has great advice. My memory is being tested but I think maybe Westo is another one? Steve85 is a third for sure although his wife never really left but she was planning on it and she did a 180 because of his commitment to DBing. There are others I know. I seem to recall that I stumbled on a thread where three women talked about their husbands coming back but despite numerous attempts, I was never able to find it again. So it does happen. It’s okay to hope but for your own sake, don’t hope for a specific outcome other than healing and peace. Whether or not your marriage is saved is secondary to that.
DnJ gives you excellent advice...as usual. Try to follow it as best you can. It will help. Sending you lots more (((HUGS))).
