...he’s married cheating on me but is acting like he can’t talk to me because it is a betrayal to their relationship.
Oh yes. My XW told me she was faithful to OM. Lol. A married women being faithful to her affair partner, while leaving her family.
They do grab hold of their new lives pretty hard. And the tighter they squeeze the more can slip through their fingers.
Originally Posted by PLC
When he asked for the Divorce, he said he didn’t want to be “enemies” don’t friends speak?
He could be telling the truth. He doesn’t want to be enemies.
You are only seeing enemies or friends; he wants strangers.
Enemy and friend, hate and love, just the other side of the same coin - desire. Indifference is the opposite.
Yes, friends speak. He wants, and is driven, to hide. Let him go. Remember, no pressure.
I do empathize with you. We all need to find a certain amount of understanding before we can let go. It’s ok. While you are doing that, have faith, GAL, live, and laugh.
Originally Posted by PLC
Regardless of how he may decide to change history, you don’t stay together 30 years and all of a sudden do this. I am not saying it was all perfect, but he was definitely the H that if you asked me pre BD if I could ever see him straying and blowing up his life, I would have emphatically said no way.
Yes, you don’t make 30 years without having something of substance. I know.
H didn’t snap suddenly, contrary to how it appears to you. He silently slid away over probably a year or two. If you look back, you can most likely see a triggering event around 18-24 months before BD. A death, a marriage, a missed promotion, etc. That is the trigger that sent H upon his confused journey.
My wife, and friend, of a good long marriage had my complete trust and faith. I know how you feel. Emphatically, no way she would do that! But, of course, she did. My world was crushed beyond belief. Ha, that is actually rather literal, when I think about it.
H is in crisis. He has shame, guilt, and plenty of pain and depression. You are his target of projections, to create false justifications. Stop internalizing what he says and does. His MLC is about him, not you.
Oh yes, he will blame you, push a narrative of a rewritten history. All in an attempt to feel better. His MLC is about him, not you.
It’s not the guilt and shame. For MLCers hate themselves. Their irrational behaviours is them running from themselves. It’s not you H is running from; it’s his life and himself.
H is locked in depression, deep, dark, and ceaseless. His world is very small, inward looking, and confining. He feels only for himself, and far too much of that. He cannot stop it. And he feels rather crazy.
In time he may find his way. I do believe it is possible. It is his journey and you were not invited along. (((PLC)))
We all need a certain amount of understanding to let go.
Continue moving forward, and living.
You got this.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
