It is all so confusing. In my head I know I need to focus on me, but my heart is what trips me up. Letting him go or not, it really isn’t my choice to “let him go” it is more “let go” he already has “left” without my blessing.
Shame is a big one, I know that H probably does not want people in his “pre MLC” life that all admire him and think he is salt of the earth and such a great guy who can do no wrong, did wrong. Regardless of how he may decide to change history, you don’t stay together 30 years and all of a sudden do this. I am not saying it was all perfect, but he was definitely the H that if you asked me pre BD if I could ever see him straying and blowing up his life, I would have emphatically said no way.
I do try to figure out why and I don’t have the answers. I need to let that go and work on the answers I can find, what do I want to do, where do I want to go? What am I doing to GAL?
I am going to make a vision board too. My daughter made a graduation poster for a drive by graduation and there are extra posters that were not used. I need to put goals that I can work towards while he is on his path. Especially now, since I know there’s OW2, he is not going to be chatty anytime soon, so I should make use of this time.
As you know, it is just so hard, sometimes I just want to close myself in the room like he does until I need to go to work.
