As for ea/pa, I can dismiss it on logistics. She works from home 100%. I have no idea where she would fit it in her day. If she leaves the house our s6 goes with her. She has no social life, like “girl nights out” etc. if I leave the house she doesn’t care if S6 comes.
Does that make sense? To have an ea/pa you have to actually have a spot in the day where it happens!
She simply views my depression/mental health (and subsequent job losses) as not her problem or something not within her scope to help with. So she has over the last 4 years used more negative energy, and ego stripping, which have yielded more depression from me.
Our attempts at CT have been ineffective. Much like how MWD describes as the typical short comings of hourly CT; too short, infrequent, “root cause based.” Instead of focusing on what each truly wanted, and building from there! Solution based.
I find MWD in Divorce Remedy and all the answers are RIGHT FREAKING THERE! black and white! God I wish I found this just a year or two ago! But, every time I googled for marriage repair direction it was seemingly all affair based or substance abuse based. Making me feel worse, that my marriage was failing simply because I’m a failure.
Now I’ve got these books, and this site, and I wish I could have a H2H conversation, show her, but those same books tell me not too. So I wait, not knowing what is happening. She knows I have the books, as our s6 opened the amazon boxes thinking they were his toys. She’s said nothing. I am reading change your life and everyone in it, and she says nothing about it. I’m reading Dave Ramsey books on money, she says nothing. I want to have a talk with her; about trying this approach, or if not come up with concrete plans for separation. None of this soft BD opaque language of “I don’t think our marriage can be saved” garbage.
One of my best friends is in R with his W thinks that advice of not having a serious H2H is poor. They just had a double ea/pa and are now back together after really hating each other, and only talking during their mediation meetings. Before that mediation was done, they had a phone call, which led to them talking, meeting up, making out, sex and bam, mediation over, and now R. Six months later they just bought a new house.
It might work, stun her, say hey, “you’re not happy, it’s not what I want, but if you truly are not happy how do you want to plan our separation?” Take emotion out of it. Then again, it might not, but if we come up with a plan and execute she can’t say I’m doing anything just to get her back. Anything I’m doing well now just gets filed away in that mental folder. At least my 180s would find a different folder.
I wonder if she’s just waiting on me to get a job. She makes a lot of money, 2x my typical salary. It would make sense for alimony and all that Jazz. We also have a ton of debt, and a house to sell. None of which can be easily settled without two incomes. I’m only guessing a lawyer or mediator would tell her that too.
"I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass over me. When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain."
