I really was concerned reaching out was too much. But in the end, I felt I had to so I did. Was I disappointed he only responded, “thank you”? Yep. Was I surprised? No.
I did go through his IG pictures from this week, and looked at who liked them and commented, and it’s all people that he knows (men) from this hobby. A few of my family members that he responded to, his comments were nice.
So IF OW2 is there, she doesn’t comment or like his posts. I mean, maybe she doesn’t so I don’t find out.
Anyway, enough of him today. It’s already hot at 9:00 am so I’ve got the air going and am going to relax and read today in the cool AC.
PLC
Last edited by PLC; 08/14/2004:16 PM. Reason: Type too fast
He’s been gone before and come home when she’s home, but I’m feeling anxious this time.
I texted my IC and she suggested that I might be anxious because since the recent D BD, and I have to admit, she’s right. He told me he wanted a D, left that weekend for his hook-up, came home, then was getting ready to leave for this recent trip. He has not really been home for any length of time to make me see that even though he asked, he is not doing anything about it.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do? It is extremely hot here and we are in a pretty locked down state. Normally, I would take off and be gone when he comes home, but I just want to stay inside the cool AC and relax.
I would just like to relax at home minding my own business. I work all week and I am just tired, I am sure there is some depression with all that is going on, and sometimes I feel that this will not end in my favor and I get overwhelmed. Home is my safe place. usually he is locked in the bedroom or out. I get the house for my use mostly.
I understand what you are saying though. As it happened, I was leaving to run errands and when I opened the door, he was unloading his truck, I said a quick hello, called to our D and told her her dad was home, then left. I was back after an hour or so, he was locked in the room. I made dinner, ate, cleaned the kitchen made some visiting phone calls, and watched some tv. We never saw him again.
That is how he is. I don’t mind the ignoring so much anymore as this is so normal. Hopefully, there will be a day where he chooses to speak to me, at this moment, I hope I’m around to speak with him. I am trying to stand and move forward for me.
It was always difficult in the beginning of MLC when my Xh came home and either ignored me or left the room so whatever you can do to take care of yourself right now
If it true MLC, His behavior will most likely stay the same for some time
so continue to keep expectations low, be cordial kind to him and find ways to keep busy or find peace
It i not your fault he is acting like this and really nothing can pull him out of it-
Now its more about you and self care, find support and let go as best you can day by day hard yes I know-
if you can create a friendship with him, that may help for more contact but if that feels difficult, then less contact may be best because he cant be the H you want right now
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I have gone through one OW with him, and this is the behavior that he displayed at the beginning with her. Almost a “cheating” on her if he spoke to me or was around. It is very juvenile, I know. I mean, he’s married cheating on me but is acting like he can’t talk to me because it is a betrayal to their relationship.
I was working towards a little”new normal” with little conversations, he would eat in the room with me, the meals I cooked, this was after the first 26YO OW was over. I noticed he began sliding back into the non looking at my eyes, eating after I left the room began around May. I discovered OW contestant number 2 (that I am aware of) at the end of May. He gradually went back into self exile after that point, the asked for a D at the end of July.
He has traveled for work and pleasure since then, so I am usually alone. I have really made my house a sanctuary for me.
He really can’t be the H I want, and I am ok some days, realizing this is MLC, other days, my mind tells me MLC, and then it also tells me, he just doesn’t want ME. It’s a battle within me, I can’t even imagine what his battle is like within him. Does he even realize what he’s done?
When he asked for the Divorce, he said he didn’t want to be “enemies” don’t friends speak? Also when asked and prodded a little by me if he had someone else, he said no. So the lies are sticking there.
Anyway, I have the whole day ahead. I will do something. He already left and I don’t expect to see him until tonight.
I wonder why he doesn’t admit to OW. If he is afraid hurting me, why stray and ask for a D?
Sometimes I wonder if it is self preservation in case things don’t work out, he can come back. H probably thinks if I know there’s OW, he’s out of the house. It’s a lot more complicated than that. He has no idea.
Thank you for the kind words. I will keep posting, as sadly we all are in different stages and can help each other.
I agree with Peacetoday. My XH did the same thing....lied to the bitter end despite me confronting him numerous times. The evidence was there...he was living with her...but swore ON OUR CHILDREN’S LIVES that she was just a roommate and someone he barely ever saw. Why do they do it? I think my XH didn’t want to hurt me (I know, ironic) and that he honestly thought that by the time I found out for sure, enough time would have passed that I no longer cared. That and he hates conflict and will do anything to avoid it. Also...third factor. Shame. He wanted what he wanted but it doesn’t mean he didn’t know it was wrong or that it wasn’t a betrayal of the highest order. Unless the WAS’s are sociopaths, they do feel shame which as we all know, is the WORST feeling. Hang in there PLC. My advice would be to stop worrying about the whys. It doesn’t really matter if the result is the same. Just keep the focus on you and on building your own life. Also...remember...the hallmark of real love is loving them enough to let them go. Focus on doing that. I did and I am SO much better off because of it. It’s not easy... but it IS possible if you keep at it. (((HUGS)))
