Light at the end of the tunnel

[LB55]

Good Morning U -

Haven't been on here much but stopped by yesterday to update my situation and to catch up on a few others that I have followed. I feel like your situation and mine are very very similar...I have said that before and as you continue to write things I continue to see my situation in the proverbial mirror.

If you read my update you know mine is now finalized. It all happened very quickly. Lots of sabre rattling and lies about my parenting and blah blah blah from the beginning up until the end. Had her parents and friends writing letters to the court about me to put me down. Lies about mental health issues, child abuse, spousal abuse, sexual abuse, etc...every day there was a new story. I am happy it is over. I am sad that it had to be this way...i did the best i knew how to diffuse the situation but nothing worked. Being under the thumb of a legal system and being forced to 'prove' yourself over and over again to the court to disprove false allegations gets old in a hurry and is very expensive.

In the end I sacrificed a little bit and she feels she 'won' and is bragging to her friends about defeating the 'big bad evil man'. Every situation is different and I am not advising you to sacrifice in order to end it. But that is how it happened for me. I have to leave with the military...so I sent a proposal and if it wasn't accepted I was enacting the servicemember civil relief act and she would not have been able to do anything legally for the next 9 months including moving in with her internet BF. Guess that was motivation to finally settle.

Stand your ground and fight for what you know is right; but also know that the juice isn't always worth the squeeze. It is such a tremendous relief to be done with it all; although that can be a mirage that gets one to settle for less and then be upset in the future. Do what is best for you and the kids. I don't feel like I got a raw deal...mostly because I have my life fully in my own hands now...not waiting for the next accusation of abuse or mal-treatment or whatever story she made up that day. In the end for her it was about getting the most child support and nothing else. It is quite sad that in my situation it is just about money and not about doing what is best for the kids...on her front anyway.

I hope for your sake it doesn't drag on for another year plus. That is just so stressful...even if you are living a good life and happy...it is stressful to have all of those unknowns hanging out there. Never knowing when you'll be ambushed again. It makes life difficult for sure.

Hang in there friend. You've made tremendous progress throughout your time on this board and whatever happens I suspect you'll be just fine in life.