No actions yet LB55 #6

[LB55]

Well everyone I owe an update on my situation, its been a while and things have been super busy.

My Divorce was finalized in late July. We came to a settlement and signed all the papers. I perhaps could have fought and got a bit more but I was tired of fighting and the kids needed it to be settled from my perspective. I'm very happy to have it in the past; still a few loose ends to tie up(she got the marital home and immediately stopped paying the mortgage; so now I've got my attorney working on that...more $$ but I have to protect my own credit).

I'm out looking to buy a house...hate being a renter. Came out of it with minimal debt, all will be paid off by October. So all in all I am happy with the outcome. It was such a stressor on my life and ability to move forward. I felt like I was held hostage by the legal end of it...every move was countered with more 'I'm the victim" stuff and then I would have to fight it again. I have the kids 3 weekends a month and that is the best I could support with my military duties at this time. I know it won't likely change in the future and i'm ok with that...I will have the best 3 weekends a month I can with them. Looking forward to lots of fishing, camping, hiking, bowling, cooking, visiting family, and spending time together in the coming years with the kids.

ExW is still just plowing through life with a full head of steam...moving in with BF from the internet and justifying to everyone with "look at me I am so awesome and going back to college and blah blah blah...college requires me to move closer and I am so fortunate that blah blah blah...would have had a 6 hour commute so this is best for everyone(it would have been 45 minutes but hey why not exaggerate...its the internet and they don't know shes making it up)" I can clearly see her for what she is at this time. A liar and not much else. It is as if she cannot help herself...she will lie about anything and everything. I don't get it and likely never will. Glad to be moving forward from this. I had to block her on all comms because she is getting more and more angry and it is all targeted at me. She can communicate with me via the court app regarding the kids to ensure everything is logged appropriately. She is still very childish and selfish and blames everyone else for her problems...by everyone else I mean blames me. Trying to protect myself and shield the kids from it at the same time can be tough.

At this point there is not much chance in my mind to have a new relationship with EXW...maybe she will eventually figure things out but right now she is a mess and I cannot help nor fix her. She has to crash and burn and figure out that her problems are her problems and her actions, reactions, and choices are what is causing her turmoil. I truly hope she does figure it out. It pains me to see her destroying herself but its part of the process and I will simply live my life the way I want to and enjoy my time with new friends, my kids, and myself.

Anyway that is what I happening in my world...don't get on here too much but I still check in to see how others are doing. Thanks to everyone who provided advice and encouragement throughout my situation. In real life I have been able to help a few others using things I have learned from this group. I have learned a ton and am definitely able to recognize unhealthy actions, mindsets, and toxic people right away and steer clear of bad situations. I have also learned to ask for what I want and be ok if what I want causes others to dislike me or my choices...in the past I usually just did what I thought everyone else wanted me to do...total NGS. I am re-reading that book again with different perspective to keep myself aware and not fall back into old habits.

For those just starting on this journey...it is long and arduous. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. There will be many mis-steps along the way. Crazy plot twists and things that are simply designed to get a reaction out of you to see if youre still paying attention. Live your life...live it the way you'd like...if your spouse chooses to rejoin you...then you'll be happy...if they don't...then you'll be happy...this is because you've chosen to be happy with yourself and your life.