I'm feeling a mix of feelings lately. A little bit overwhelmed, a little melancholy.
I've been living in a lot of fear the last year. More recently, I've felt very positive about how things are progressing and I see light at the end of the tunnel. But now that things might resolve... I'm overwhelmed.
Home-schooling 2 little kids while watching a third while I WFH... global pandemic... little support system (I know, this is up to me to work on, but the pandemic does not make it easy).
Overwhelmed is an appropriate word, I think. The pandemic is something none of us were prepared for and could not have predicted. I keep forgetting - then it dawns on me that that is a big part of the background drama ongoing in all of this.
This is part of why I am simifying everything. I want calm and peace in the middle of all this chaos. Let the rest of the world go rushing ahead in their mega-yacht and crash full speed into the reef. I'm content with my little sailboat.
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I never mentioned this here before but I dipped my toes into the dating pool a bit in the past several months. Looking back I should have waited before starting, although there were a lot of positives from the experience. At the time I didn't really believe what people told me -- I figured a single dad with 3 little kids was not going to have much luck in the area I live in. But I went on a couple dates and it was a really positive experience. It was nice to connect with women going through similar experiences in their lives. I ended up dating a woman who also had 3 kids for a couple months, then realized we were not on the same timetable and parted ways amicably. I wasn't truly ready for a relationship to progress at that time.
Everyone has to do what they feel is right - so take what I write with a grain of salt.
Part of reason I'm not interested in dating is that I am not sure I would be able to separate my attachment issues from wanting to be in a new R.
Another part of it is because it complicates my life tenfold at a time where I'm still dealing with the fallout from decades of buried trauma.
