Journal ~

I'm feeling a mix of feelings lately. A little bit overwhelmed, a little melancholy.

I've been living in a lot of fear the last year. More recently, I've felt very positive about how things are progressing and I see light at the end of the tunnel. But now that things might resolve... I'm overwhelmed.

Home-schooling 2 little kids while watching a third while I WFH... global pandemic... little support system (I know, this is up to me to work on, but the pandemic does not make it easy).

I never mentioned this here before but I dipped my toes into the dating pool a bit in the past several months. Looking back I should have waited before starting, although there were a lot of positives from the experience. At the time I didn't really believe what people told me -- I figured a single dad with 3 little kids was not going to have much luck in the area I live in. But I went on a couple dates and it was a really positive experience. It was nice to connect with women going through similar experiences in their lives. I ended up dating a woman who also had 3 kids for a couple months, then realized we were not on the same timetable and parted ways amicably. I wasn't truly ready for a relationship to progress at that time.

I realized many positive things. Most importantly, I need to be solid and grounded in myself to be a healthy relationship partner. And a close second -- I do not need to settle.