You have the worst of it behind you now and you can start to focus on your new life. Things never end up being as bad as we fear, that is why wasting time worrying about the future is pointless.
I have begun telling my siblings and family about my situation. One thing I did not expect: It's been a cathartic experience! It's really nice to hear so much unconditional support, without any judgement from people. I can finally see that there is life on the other side of this mess.
You again the support from friends and family are amazing and not what I expected. I think I thought I would be judged more. Another thing I spent countless wasted worrying about before it happened.
One of the many inspirational sayings I've come across while reading during this last year-plus is the following quote: "Everything you want is on the other side of fear." It's been attributed to multiple people, but it just rings so true.
My biggest hang-up early on was, like many others here, being paralyzed and not wanting to do anything to "make things worse." As LH and many of the vets here have pointed out faithfully, the reality is that BD is THE WORST and nothing you say or do is going make it any worse once BD happens.
To those earlier in their sitches than I am, I must tell you that dropping the rope and working on yourself is the only way forward. You cannot "nice" or "mean" them back. But you can save yourself and set yourself up to live your best life moving forward, with or without our MLCer.
Let go of the fear that's holding you back. There's a whole new world out there just waiting for you. Don't worry or focus on your MLCer. They will know how to find you should they ever want to down the line.
Received draft separation agreement and currently reviewing it. I would appreciate any opinions you may have on it. The initial proposal proposal calls for me to be the custodial parent with joint legal custody. I get S11 Mon-Fri during the school year, and W gets him on weekends. The schedule reverses during the summer. No child support, and $1 alimony per year to W for 5 years. Those are the highlights. Thoughts?
I don't think it would accomplish anything. I think it's just the natural inclination to want to let her know that she's not pulling the wool over my eyes. That's of no value to me as I move forward, however, and I do realize that fact. I have suspected and assumed PA from the moment of BD, so this is truly no surprise. We are getting a D, so I see no benefit to confronting her while she's being cooperative with our mediation discussions.
I came here to help process the info and to not react to it out of emotion. I appreciate the advice as always, Steve.
