Well, I thought I'd move over here completely from Newcomers because it's been almost one year post BD. Plus I do enjoy the more philosophical atmosphere here.
long story short - we are expats from the US. H has been struggling with working in a new country and showed signs with having trouble with finding his identity. H was sexually abused as a child, which then translates to his lack of self love and unresolved resentment toward his parents (who do not know about the abuse). Last year out of nowhere he wanted distance and time to figure things out, and then it followed by him moving out to an undisclosed location and ultimately wanting a divorce. H also has a history of depression and alcoholism. We have three children.
where we are now - H has taken away my access to his funds and cancelled my credit card under his account. We could not agree on a child support figure. He low-balled me and I stated that I decline to discuss further if he cannot meet me close to what I'm demanding. Under foreign law it is nearly impossible for him to divorce me without my consent. my worse case scenario is that I get the low-ball figure by court order and remains married.
Anyway, I'm coasting to see where it will all go. I have suffered and grieved the death of my marriage. I am moving beyond that.
One thing that is causing me pain is seeing my eldest affected by the deterioration of our M. S11 has Trichotillomania and has been pulling out his eyelashes since last year. S11 has refused to talk to me about what's causing him stress until few days ago, he finally opened up a bit. A few things he said - "where does dad live?" "you guys are pretty much like divorced already." "I miss dad but when he is around all he does is yell at me." "I worry about the whole step mom or step dad thing"
I addressed what I could, but I told him that I really have no answers to the questions related to dad. I don't know what happened. I said if he'd like to call his dad sometimes, he's welcome to. he shook his head.
I understand all I can do is be the stable parent. Where things will go, I honestly don't know. We might have to cut extracurricular activities because of cost. We might have to downsize to a smaller rental. I am picking up some work but might need to find a full time job (I was a sahm). All I am hoping is that an absent father is not going to leave too much of a scar on their lives.
