I may assume MLC and then have times where I feel what he's saying is somehow true, that I triggered all of this behavior in him, but, you know what? Well, first, when I am able to be more objective, I think I would have to be pretty powerful to do that, but also, it doesn't matter what's at the root of it. What matters is that he is not able to be in a healthy relationship (or be healthy and alone), and he is definitely not able to be in a healthy R with me.
I’m not glad you are suffering through this either Cardinal, but so thankful for your support and caring. This is a good way to look at that ....seriously if only we had known we had this kind of influence / power!!! I kid! But seriously, your words are true ...it doesn’t really matter the what the why or the how...our course of behaviour is no different...and we definitely miss the man they “were” ....not this one.
Originally Posted by cardinal
But I think it just feeds into the cycle of doubting our own perceptions and wanting to convince other people in our lives that something is going on with H. And to do that, we would have to share way too much and would still have the same doubt in the end. Did I convince my friend? Does he think I'm crazy because H seems normal around him? Etc. So I think it's better for us to get our validation from people here who really do know what we're going through.
This really helped me respond. I find I still really want that validation from my outer circle. I tell my self not to care but I have trouble shaking this. I’ve always cared to much about what others think ...perhaps something I can work on for me. I’ve convinced myself somewhere along the way that people fully believe what he’s spinning and I don’t have a voice on the matter without divulging waaaaayyyy too much of what’s transpired. I need a “who cares 2x4!!!”
Has H given you a bit of a break Cardinal? Hope you’ve been able to gather more information for yourself too. (((Hugs))) Kindly,
