Quote: If you're honestly able to say that to yourself then maybe your problem isn't with self-soothing. Maybe it's time to step up to the plate and put an end to your no-pressure campaign.
I agree, but for a different reason. I think you need to ask yourself: "If W is feeling 'pressure', just where is that pressure coming from?" I mean, really - feeling pressure because you're reading a book?? Who's she trying to kid? I think she can pressure herself way better than you could ever pressure her, and it sounds like she's really good at it. She's just hiding behind it, and trying to make it "your" problem. Wanna really up the pressure on her? Show her that her lack of desire is more a problem for HER than it is for YOU. Make it really HARD for her to pin it on YOU, so she'll be forced to admit it's really HER.
The way to go about it is NOT to never ask for sex. If she's got you believing that simply ASKING for sex (i.e. trying to initiate) is putting too much "pressure" on her, then you need to get her to admit that what she's REALLY saying is that she would NEVER want to have sex with you if it was up to her. Not for any "rational" reason, but just because she doesn't want it. She needs to own up to it, and own the problem. The thing is, she's entitled to not have sex she doesn't want, but you are also entitled to have sex that you DO want. So she has to choose (perhaps) between not having sex, and staying married. Expecting you to stay married indefinitely in a celibate marriage is an indefensible position. She's smart... she'll see that. But by keeping your "no pressure" stance as you've been doing lets her avoid confronting herself on that issue - it lets her "get around it" and put it off. The issue is still there, it's just not being confronted. Eventually she'll have to confront it, and better sooner than later, especially for you. My $0.02 for the day...
