Ginger - I don't think it is that I am not ready. But I do take your point re the cancelling being unfair on the others. In my defense, in two of the cases after we had arranged to meet, red flags came up, i.e. wanted to meet at their flat (I said no and it was changed to a pub near their flat), talked a lot about the way I looked (and not in a flirty way) and just generally said things that sent danger signals. The last two I have no excuses for. So, less not ready, more not fully committed to the process and that lack of commitment is stemmed in fear.
Yail - I think you probably hit in on the head. As you know, I have nothing against one night stands. Nothing against casual relationships. I am a woman in my 40s FFS and believe that people should do what makes them happy as long as they are safe and no-one is going to get hurt. The thing that struck me is that he represented everything I value (books, art, music and yes, even toiletries). And that's scary. What if for him, this was a one night thing. What if we continue and I open up my life to him (with all it's imperfections and complications) and he runs. And I know it is fruitless to worry about that will happen. But in that moment, and without understanding why, I ran.
Harvey - that horse has bolted. But, yes generally, I do like to wait a little while before the boom
