My other trigger is “what has he said to other people” brought on by his 100% normal and happy demeanour around his friends and family. I can’t shake this. I tell myself who cares, live your life...but it’s mind boggling that I’m treated like the sole enemy and he has enough sense still to turn MLC behaviour on and off?? Doesn’t seem legit...makes me think I’ve got this situation all wrong.
Kindly, I'm not glad you're still going through all this and having to live with H, but I am glad you're back on the board so I can at least know there is someone else out there going through all this right now! I am still bothered by this same thing at times, mainly in regard to his mom. I don't waste time wondering what the heck she is thinking about me as much as I used to, though. But, what I tell myself when I get too caught up in analyzing his behavior is that he is not a healthy person right now, period. I may assume MLC and then have times where I feel what he's saying is somehow true, that I triggered all of this behavior in him, but, you know what? Well, first, when I am able to be more objective, I think I would have to be pretty powerful to do that, but also, it doesn't matter what's at the root of it. What matters is that he is not able to be in a healthy relationship (or be healthy and alone), and he is definitely not able to be in a healthy R with me.
Originally Posted by Kindly
What do you say when a mutual friend reaches out (Who works with H) and says “talked to H ...hope you’re doing ok”??
What I would say if they were a really good friend to me might be slightly different, but I would think it would be better to be short and sweet: "Thanks for the note--I'm doing fine."
Originally Posted by Kindly
When do I get the chance to tell people that he’s bonkers right now?
Would I be tempted to say, "Thanks, I'm doing fine, considering H seems to have lost his mind!" Yes, yes, I would be. But I think it just feeds into the cycle of doubting our own perceptions and wanting to convince other people in our lives that something is going on with H. And to do that, we would have to share way too much and would still have the same doubt in the end. Did I convince my friend? Does he think I'm crazy because H seems normal around him? Etc. So I think it's better for us to get our validation from people here who really do know what we're going through.
