Thanks LH. I know he had an unrealistic version of me because he texted me “I love even just the idea of you. No way you exist.” And there were many more similar texts. My biggest mistake is that I let myself believe his feelings could be real. I should have known there was nowhere to go but down when someone sees you that way. So that was also 100% my fault.
I can see your view from the outside looking in for sure that this was all me and I do take responsibility for most of it. But he didn’t apologize. He texted me in the 11th hour that he wasn’t coming because of his son and that was it. There was never an apology. When I got his text, I literally thought it was to say that he had arrived and I should pick him up at the ferry. I had been on pins and needles all day so it was a huge letdown to say the least and I guess I didn’t handle it very well.
I get these are learning experiences and believe me, I am learning a lot. I just think a “one strike and you’re out” way of being is the exact opposite of flexible. And honestly...I am hugely flexible 99% of the time and I have been with him too. I treat people really, really well and if you knew me IRL, you would know that. This was completely out of character and it probably seems to you like it wasn’t because I only come on here when I am struggling with something and confess my worst thoughts and actions but it was. So I apologized which is, I think, the right thing to do. And it was a heartfelt, sincere, genuine apology...one that I think merits a response even if it is just to say, “thanks but no thanks”. Anyway...I’m going to move on and be a lot more careful with my heart in the future and not get sucked into this kind of a dynamic again.
