So glad I have the next two weeks off because I’m having a hard time sleeping. Still radio silence from TDH despite me having apologized profusely for my less-than-stellar reaction to our cancelled weekend. I don’t know why this is still bothering me so much. I guess I just really hate the idea that there is someone out there who thought I was this amazing person and now thinks I’m a complete jerk. And there is nothing I can do about it because he has stopped talking to me.
Wow...being ignored is SUCH a trigger. I would rather someone screamed and yelled at me and told me to f*ck off than this. Why is that? What is it about the silent treatment that is so hard to take. I know people who do this on the regular when they are upset with someone. XH’s dad would go months, sometimes years, without talking to him. I could never understand it. XH never went without talking to me in such a blatant way but, in hindsight, I guess he did the same thing to me once he decided our marriage was over. I got surface-level info but anything deeper than that, he kept from me until eventually I was married to a stranger...only I didn’t know it until my world blew up.
You are probably right about talking the talk but not walking the walk Ginger. My sister thinks I may have dodged a bullet. She thinks I definitely could have handled things better but what I did wasn’t unforgivable considering the circumstances. She says he could have taken an extra couple of minutes to apologize. Even though he had a good reason for not coming, he did leave me sitting there all day thinking he was on his way only to get an abrupt “not coming’ text in the 11th hour with a promise to call. She also thinks that he had a really unrealistic view of me and had made me into this ideal image that I could not have lived up to so better this happens sooner rather than later. And that if he can’t forgive me for five stupid minutes that I have apologized profusely for, he’s probably not someone I would want to be in a relationship with anyway. She’s probably right. I am a good person but I am definitely not perfect and if perfect is what he is after, he needs to keep looking.
Anyway...I have a “date” to play pool with three guys next week who know me really well and who love me for who I am. I can’t wait to see them. I hadn’t realized how much I have missed them until we made these plans and I started thinking about my old life. We saw each other once a week for ten years and it was a night I always looked forward to. So this visit is going to be a highlight of my summer for sure.
