Separated 11 wks, WAH wants to reconcile (part 4)

[Pommy99]

So, first session of MC done. It wasn’t a great experience, but I expected that the first one would be to pull out all the negative history of the SSM, EAP, and generally how we feel about each other. When I booked the MC appt it was supposed to have been along the lines of two people wanting to stay married and learn how to be of value to each other, forgiving, healing and looking forwards. Now it is clearly about H and his issues of not knowing how he feels about EAP, not having any desires for me (but we did get to hear about how he found EAP sexually attractive), but that he loves me in other ways. The MC seems very good and sees us focussing on H and his understanding of himself, H and what the EA means to him, and how we deal with the physical side of our relationship.

H is still craving those “in love “ feelings and deep physical desires . We had a talk after the session. I mentioned that I wasn’t sure if we should separate again. He said he didn’t see that in his plan, whereas I just feel that he will get to cake-eat for a few more months until he can decide whether he wants me, her or someone else. I said I don’t want to be in this triangle any more. He doesn’t see it that way. I’ve said that right now I don’t know what I want to happen, whether I even want to go down this road of more limbo, more pain, living with half a husband. He says he doesn’t want it to be that way, that he wants to be a proper husband, that he is committed to trying to making it work.

I get that he may not be over EAP, but I want to hear that in his mind she’s in the rear view mirror for good. Is that reasonable or not at this stage?

I’m confused right now.