FS—I definitely hear what you are saying here. And I agree with you; I think in most cases when he does this it is because he misses D5. And today when he did it, the timing was weird and the vibe was just off. I don’t know how to explain, but it rubbed me the wrong way, where typically it’s just his approach that annoys me. If I am missing D5 A when she is with him, well I typically deal with it on my own so as to respect his time with her. Beyond that, when I wish to make contact, I text “H” and ask directly to speak with her or for him to relay a message. His approach of texting D5 directly as if it is her phone is just weird and it does feel like it pushes my personal boundaries. And omfg, if he had the audacity to send me a picture of his GF, aside from being completely bizarre, I would put him right in his place, no holds barred. It would not be pretty.
I think that may speak to what you are saying, Scout. I don’t take issue with the request for contact with his daughter. But his way of going about does feel like what a husband could do with a wife. I don’t think I was able to pinpoint it before, but that is what annoys me about it. It is too intimate. Funny enough I was discussing it with my best friend today and she said the same thing, that it seemed like something her husband might do and is super weird considering the situation. I think you have nailed down what I’m feeling, that he is trying to give me a wife odd-job after I’ve been fired from my full-time role. I’m not into it. And your point that I can’t control his behavior by changing what I do has merit. It hits home for me. He became such an unsafe person for me emotionally in our M that I did get into the habit of planning my actions in order to prevent him acting out. I think I’ll gradually dial it back from today’s response, to thumbs up, to silence unless asked for confirmation. I don’t like the feeling that fielding these messages give me. “You don’t need permission to do things that serve you and only you.” That is sound advice. Detaching for me means so much more than detaching romantically and emotionally from H. It also means detaching from my fear of what he may or may not do. That is extra hard to do when you do not fundamentally trust the person. (I imagine you can relate to that Scout). I really like the idea of a clause to not revisit custody before X time has passed. I NEED a bit of breathing room around this. I need this decided and locked in for a bit. Thank you so much Scout, you have really helped me today.
I wish I could relax without worrying about what he will hit me with next. He has proven himself to be selfish, reckless and impulsive on his never ending Peter Pan quest for personal happiness. I feel like I can’t take anymore hits, and I fear them in the coming months. I’m going to find my equilibrium enough that if they do come, I don’t get knocked down.
