I am so sorry that you are struggling. You've been through a whole lot these last few years. Sending you positive thoughts -
From what I'm reading in your posts, I don't think he's quite done "baking" yet. I only say this because I see it in my W as well. Expecting anything out of them is a waste of time - they are simply not capable of handling normal adult interactions at this time. They are stuck - unable to move forward - and they keep reverting to the same behaviors from before.
It is you who decides how this goes. It's your choice - if you're willing to keep standing or not.
I wish I had more concrete answers for you, but I dont. I'm in the same place - except W never left home and it's ow been nearly 2 years since the first BD. And I see that she's still not there - it's only just beginning to shift.
If you stand, or if you go - remember to be kind to yourself. You've gone above and beyond here. Don't forget that.
