Hope, maybe I'm in the minority but I don't think you need to respond to messages intended for your daughter. He fired you as his wife and that is a wife job. If he asks if you passed on the message, then you respond in the affirmative. "Yes I did, I always do, she replied XYZ, etc". Until then, I would stay silent or do the thumbs up response that FS suggested. I know you are concerned about the same situation in reverse, that he might not respond when he has your daughter, but you can't control what he does by changing what you do. Do you trust that he will respond to anything urgent or important about your D? If so, then maybe you can put a firmer boundary in place with these messages. If you want to
Regarding the custody agreement, I'd suggest having these discussions over email, not text, and give yourself a lot of time to respond, at least 24 hours. You are not obliged to a sit-down talk if you're not comfortable. Here's a gentle 2x4: you don't need permission to do things that serve you and only you. You are a strong, independent woman. Believe in yourself and your integrity and your right to put yourself first. Negotiating custody is awful and your pain is valid. You will survive. Perhaps put a clause in your agreement that once finalised, it will be reviewed in 18 months (or whatever timeframe) and no sooner. Give yourself a bit of breathing room to relax. That was my L's advice to me.
