I looked great every time he was at the house. I was strong, calm and gentle boxing his things up and helping him to load his truck to leave me.
I could have been the witch... thrown the stuff outside... refused to be the least bit helpful.
I hoped that one day down the road when the smoke has cleared I would be viewed as having so much strength at a time when I was completely gutted.
Today is just a hard day.
I have eluded earlier that I had some feelings to sort through after my lunch with stepson. I'm still not sure how to put my feelings into words so I don't really want judged as it may come out wrong here.
I feel cheated and wronged out of my family. My H knew I was struggling with being an empty nester as S19 leaves for college soon. To the point that last Christmas I had talked about having our 2 older newphews (H's side) come to the house this summer for a sleepover and time at the pool... that of course never happened for reasons we all know now.
Now there is a grandbaby to be here soon.
OW will get to have all the joy with H over the baby... I'm left behind. Since I was only ever a stepparent I'm disposable. There is just so much rawness right now. I know it will not always hurt this bad.
I called out H today... He texted last weekend about getting together for paperwork and then didn't respond for 3 days... so I said you didn't get back to me about this paperwork you asked about, you never got back to S19 to take him out to dinner and you never followed through with help getting S19 to college.
I reached my tipping point and i am not proud. Yes - I should have kept my mouth shut.
Its been 6months... 6months... so why now... why today when I have been occasionally liking or commenting on SS20 and fiance's posts that now you choose to block me... what in the heck have I done to you??? I didn't walk out on your or cheat/lie to you. I never go to H's page or OW's page --- not interested and don't need the heartache... EVER.
I contacted my SS20 and stated I would like to knit things for the future baby but only with his blessing.
I've stuffed so much down for so long and it just boiled over today.... now that is out there I can deal with it and move on.
