If I remember your story correctly your sitch changed when your H thought you were interested in another guy? Then you moved him back in quickly and jumped right back into a relationship.
I post on here often the reconciliation musts in my opinion.
If you engage in a relationship with him again it should only be under the conditions that:
1) He sees you as someone of extremely high value 2) He views a relationship with you as something much better than a life with someone else or a life alone 3) He's willing to work to win you
Without those three things, he's going to walk again down the line, because he really doesn't have the motivation to work with you to change anything, your relationship will keep seeking the same equilibrium it has had because of how your personalities and issues come together.
Once the threat of the OM is gone he no longer has to work for you. Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better and that sometimes means a lengthy separation.
Originally Posted by Pommy99
However, I had been asking for reassurances that he still wanted to work things out as the ILY had stopped and he was showing little interest in intimacy.
This is a lot of pressure.
Originally Posted by Pommy99
Twice I said I needed to hear that he wanted to be in this and twice I simply got silence or ‘ok’, with no follow up.
Again, a lot of pressure.
He thought he may lose you and he was attracted to you again. Now he knows he has you and there is no fear in losing you. The person who cares the least is the one in control of the relationship.
Reconciliation requires a level playing field, an even starting line. BOTH of you need to be willing to walk and to believe the other one will leave. That makes you something worth having.
Again, I am really sorry you are going through this again.
