Scout, thanks for the encouraging words, girl! I have to be honest and say that CL has been part of my push towards getting out of the shocked, deer-in-headlights, naive loving wife phase and into one where I recognize abuse (and cheating is abuse).

I think that even more than wanting to tell OW’s H about the affair, I want to tell my in-laws (who have no idea). It would likely blow up in my face, but I am struggling with the knowledge that he has told them I was the wicked wife of the west. Despite the fact that the majority of their time spent with our children was facilitated by me, traveling across the world alone with 4 little kids so they could make memories with the children. And also despite the fact that until several months ago they thought we had the best relationship of anyone in the family (and wrote cards and repeatedly told us so). I’m also not there yet, to disclose his indiscretions to his family. But there is a likelihood my friend tribe over there would do it for me, so I can just let that one ride for a bit.

And as weird as this sounds, I don’t think H is leaving me for the OW. I truly believe their relationship is based on fantasy and emotions and there is really no way they could make something work long-term without H giving up our kids, which at this point is all he has to prove that he is doing all of this for the ‘right reasons’. If he gives up the kids, his whole house of cards comes crashing down (it’s a very, very tiny house, mind you, maybe only a few cards as it is, FWIW).

I was thinking of you today as I navigated a challenging child-split conversation. I found myself F-ing FURIOUS that I had to ask so nicely to take the kids for a few extra hours on one of his days so that we can go on a mountain backpacking trip this week. It is the first of many to come, but the compromise made me so angry. My problem, and probably a result of everything being so fresh and new, but infuriating nonetheless.

Dnj, there are moments where wish I was in your shoes: the partner that walked and never looked back. I don’t wish that on my children, but I have for all intents and purposes raised them on my own anyway, so having to suddenly negotiate time with them feels extra harsh. (Realistically this will only last as long as Covid, so the hardest phase is right now).

Thanks all for the encouragement and wise words. This too will pass and I will be better and stronger soon enough.