Separated 11 wks, WAH wants to reconcile (part 4)

[Pommy99]

Pommy, I have some thoughts that hit me as I read your post. In no particular order:

Has H been to his GP lately? I know that the NHS takes a different approach to tests than we do here in the US, but I wonder if he is truly clinically depressed and could use some ADs? And/or has low hormone levels? Something feels off and it doesn't necessarily feel like it all has to do with your R. I would believe the storyline that this is depression, not EAP. Until proven otherwise.

he has been on ADs for about last 3 years. He says he went on them because of the state of our R. 15 months ago he started to reduce his dose and essentially halved the dose over a few months, to what was basically minimum prescribed level, and stayed on that for the next year. Since he came back he said he wanted to get off the ADs completely, so over the last few weeks has halved his dose again, because at the same time he was on some other medicines for a neck injury, which were ADs but also used to treat neuro pain. So he cut his dose on his regular meds and has now been off the really nasty ones for the neuro pain for about a month. He doesn’t want to go back on more ADs but says feels really depressed one day and happy the next. But this issue about only seeing me as his best friend and not sexually attracted has been irrespective of how many meds he’s been on!

Relatedly, is he open to IC? Or will your MC work with both of you individually as well as together (as it relates to your M) so he can get comfortable speaking to a therapist one-on-one and may find that it really isn't as 'scary' as one thinks it is? Sounds like he has some work to do on himself. But MC is a great first step.

he did have some IC but stopped - I don’t think he found the IC particularly great. I’m hoping this new MC might be an option for IC. He is also a psychosexual therapist which maybe will help H...I don’t know.

I will try and GAL more this week. I have been exercising every day, I am currently drinking wine in the garden. I am in no way detached, and I don’t know how dropping the rope will work, but I will give it some thought. I don’t feel I can try and build intimacy and drop the rope at the same time, even though I may need to protect myself emotionally.

He is all over the place again. Today he’s said he can’t imagine leaving me, that he wants to try, but then this morning he was saying he didn’t know if he should give MC a try or not, and the conversation had very much been about his confusion in wanting to be in the marriage and what is missing.

Thanks for your support Sage x