Separated 11 wks, WAH wants to reconcile (part 4)

[Pommy99]

I'm certain what you are going through is 100% normal. I've about a lot of false starts in recon... picture it as you are dipping your toe in the shallow end of the pool and not jumping all in in the deep end.

Try reading The Love Path.

Also you need to be building more positive interactions that create more bonding and intimacy rather than rehashing the same old same old.

How are you with date nights?

Can you plan something you've never done before??? Go to one if those bars where you throw axes, indoor rock climbing, etc.

Recon will only work if you truly forgive your partner. So for now work on building intimacy and let the affair stuff ride a bit... it will be easier for both of you to discuss the A once you've established more intimacy.

Pull backs would be normal if he is dealing with guilt and shame and those are posing as your road blocks. Perhaps he feels the pressure of you needing all these answers from him when he may just not have them right now.

Ultimately it's up to you... do you invest further because you believe in a stronger M bond and future or are you exhausted and over it???? Again, this is your timeline so take all the time you need.

Hi KC, I feel like we are back in limbo. We already did 12 months of limbo where he saw me as his best friend but not lover. We are back where we started. I know there is guilt and shame, but the ‘best friend’ thing goes right back to the beginning. He left, but he couldn’t let me go, he came back saying he realised what was important to him (I.e. me and our marriage and family, and not his quest for passionate love). Now he is saying he feels empty and lonely and will not be intimate with me (I have gently tried and been knocked back this last week). When he first came back it was every other day - that’s not me holding a gun to his head. I don’t know how to establish more intimacy. We do stuff together, go out for dinner, walks, we’ve been working on the garden together. We sleep all night touching in some way (holding hands, arm round me etc). I just don’t understand what is going on that he loves me so deeply (his words) but is still missing something in his life. Today he has said he can’t imagine leaving me, and feels hopeful, but at other times feels hopeless about our R.