Watch your expectations. Keep them at zero, for both expecting him not to say anything and to say something. You are starting to build resentment towards the expected behaviour.
Originally Posted by DnJ
I understand your compassion and patience is starting to wear thin. Expectations are not helping either. You are expecting, worrying, and fearing, the next thing you might face.
Originally Posted by DnJ
I do empathize with you being lost. It’s the love disappearing, the love you started this journey with. It’s ok. It’s just being put away for safe keeping, for later. It’s indifference taking hold. Have faith, it will feel wrong and weird at first.
As always so nice to hear from you Dnj.
You are bang on ... the key to freeing my mind is in the “expecting”. Expecting him to realize what he’s doing, how much hurt he’s causing, moving his plan along and on and on.... which then causes worry and fear.
I have great moments like today where I see it sooo clearly and understand my path but then as quickly as I feel it for a day or so, it dissolves. Usually triggered by some strange behaviour in my face or another new toy outside, by him leaving and going somewhere or just by something out of the “ordinary” (whatever that is right now! Ha!)
I work hard and long hours right now, I read, I have my garden, a side business/hobby, amazing family and friends I feel like I am GAL ...yet in the quiet moments the mind always comes back to the unanswered “why” which then turns into expectations of him saying good morning or at least saying something. Why has he gone SO quiet? Is this one of the stages of MLC?
My other trigger is “what has he said to other people” brought on by his 100% normal and happy demeanour around his friends and family. I can’t shake this. I tell myself who cares, live your life...but it’s mind boggling that I’m treated like the sole enemy and he has enough sense still to turn MLC behaviour on and off?? Doesn’t seem legit...makes me think I’ve got this situation all wrong.
I think you’re right Dnj it does feel like the love is leaving and I never thought that would happen. I also never thought the man I married could (unintentionally) hurt me like this. It does feel wrong and weird and makes me think / feel like the door is firmly being shut and it’s time for me to physically move on. If the love feeling is gone what am I doing letting this play out so slowly, going through my mental ups and downs...just to wait for him to eventually (potentially) years from now pull the plug and move on with someone else? Isn’t it healthier to have him do all this away from me? I don’t want to “help” him with this but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore the trusted people around me who consistently call out this abusive behaviour I’m enduring.
I don’t want to leave or progress things along for him but if I can’t find this place of total indifference what chance do I stand of not being dragged and lost.....?
When I look back I can see how far I’ve come ...perhaps just more time is needed? And maybe I’m right where I need to be?
