You strike me as so wise, nurturing and empathetic. You deserve so much more than your marriage is offering you right now. SO much more.
Reading your words, it feels like you are at an inflection point: do you continue the same trajectory waiting for H to move towards you and lean into the M? Or do you move towards a different version of your life, one where you no longer are standing for your M?
It doesn't sound like he is capable of changing right now. What if he is never capable of changing?
A year is a long time. But I have read threads where people have waited 3-4 years for their partner to come around. Personally, I don't believe I have that sort of patience. I want too much out of life. How about you? Where does your patience run out? Are you there yet?
I also believe that just because one makes a decision to end the M, it doesn't mean that the R is over forever. You could end your current M and wind up meeting the best, most loving incredible partner in the world (and wonder what took you so long to leave your loveless M!). You could end your current M and you and H could wind up back together in a true M 2.0. I don't believe that someone like you will be single the rest of her life. You have too much to offer.
