New poster here, and not sure about forums or anything. Bare with me. Here's the story..

I have been with the H for 40 years, M for 38 this September. We have 4 adult children. In 2015, we sold our family home and since the H had been "downsized", I worked until I retired from my profession of 35 years. We had a vacation ( winter) home in another country, and we were nomads until we found our " forever ' home in 2018.

The area we live in now is very nice place for active adults, and soon he found a " recreational " group to get involved in and enjoy. Apparently, he made a friend of the opposite sex, and they shared stories ( and as I later found out, emails of a general type)

Because of all the changes in my life, I got a bit depressed ( I have had other occurrences ) and gained some weight. So I was unable to join in with his new friends. H and I traveled the world and enjoyed each other, but maybe lost some connection along the way that I was not aware of.

In March of 2019, H came to me quite emotional and said he " felt lost and was so unhappy". I consoled him and tried to get from him what exactly he meant. In May of '19, just before an international trip, he went to take the garbage out to his " friend's" house and was gone for 3 hours. I was very upset when he returned and he said he " lost track of time, talking "

There were email from the OW daily that I was unaware of. There were time when the " recreational activity' took longer than it should of. She invited herself to our vacation home when she know I was gone ( with another member of the group)

Well, eventually, 6 weeks ago, I figured it out!! When I caught him on a phone call, when he was an hour late than expected, and then BD- "I've been having an affair with her for more than a year". I'm crushed and shocked.
WE want to stay together. He has ended the affair, I have started IC, I feel he is remorseful.

Question- How do I get past the fact that he lied to me for a year? He says it's in the past and not to talk about it to him anymore. How do I TRULY forgive him?

I need some help and healing- you all on the board are great, please help!!

Last edited by job; 08/08/20 11:10 AM. Reason: added space between paragraphs for easier reading