Go dark within what's an appropriate limit for you. Going dark isn't falling of the face of the earth. It's conversing about the kids and "business" only, and being inaccessible in every other aspect. My exH and I literally only spoke about those things when I moved out. It took a while to find a balance. My H and I only spoke about those things when he was in the process of leaving. You don't have to be kind. Or talk about the weather. You don't have to respond immediately about kids or business stuff. You don't have to respond at all if it isn't kid or business stuff. A big one Steve85 taught me was not responding to informative texts. "I'm taking the kids to dinner at 7." My instinct was to ask more questions or at the very least respond with 'OK.' Leaving it alone was the best thing I ever chose to do. We both have iphones so he could see when I read his messages. A lot of people mistake going dark for active avoidance, complete disappearance, or something like that. IMO going dark is really more in relation to the light house theory. You're turning the light off. You and yours on your little seaside island are safe and sound. But that ship out at sea is on his own. Take that as you wish. But it helped me a lot in understanding how to handle 'going dark' living in the same house.
