Wayfarer, Cardinal, Pommy, Steve, thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your words and wisdom. It's been a rough week and your collective advice has seen me through some really bad moments.
I have to admit that him moving out has allowed me to emotionally detach in a way that I wasn't expecting. For the first time in 10 months I no longer dream of ways to fix our MR. In fact, when I read your words below Steve, it didn't even take me a microsecond for my heart to answer NO, without even a hint of sadness or longing.
Originally Posted by Steve85
Is your H, right now, someone that you want to remain married to??
The sadness I do feel is compassion and empathy for the person I was that spent so long taking all the blame for the downfall of my marriage and trying to fix herself based upon a list that had no end. I know that everyone must go through their own path, which will be longer or shorter depending on the person and situation, but I GET IT NOW when I read all the vets saying that they wished they had dropped the rope much, much sooner than they did. Not to save a marriage, but to save our own selves.
But I could still use some advice, please. Right now I want absolutely NOTHING to do with H. I want to step so far outside his reach so that a) he can no longer verbally or emotionally spew at me; and b) I am no longer within his orbit to blame everything on.
But we have the kids and are in the tentative beginnings of setting the stage for our coparenting relationship. And because he is so GD sensitive (ego-driven shame and guilt, everything about him and his pain), I am concerned that going NC or too dark will impact the kids too much.
