Finding patience and facing fear

[DnJ]

Hello Kindly

I’m sorry things have started to swirl around again for you. And yes, you accurately predicted my encouragement of re-focus upon yourself.

Those backwards steps you feel you’ve taken, consider them actually forward progression. You need to go through something again. Perfectly normal, and a good and healthy path. And BD anniversary is bound to stir up a few things. (((Kindly)))

H installing a video camera in his room. Yep, that’s one confused dude there. So teenager-like.

It’s now at a point where there is zero interaction. Not even a hello or good morning. I think being full on ignored is a tough one for me to not take personally...even though deep down I think I do know it’s not about me.

What do other people do? Just give him the space and ignore back ...I can’t even bring myself to,say good morning or start convo anymore to get no reply or a grumpy grunt of some sort. Ignoring him seems so rude

His ignoring you is not about you. It’s him.

What to do? Give him space and time. Lots of both. That’s different than ignoring.

Watch your expectations. Keep them at zero, for both expecting him not to say anything and to say something. You are starting to build resentment towards the expected behaviour.

Say good morning, and if he ignores or grunts, go about your day. If he says something nice, respond, and go about your day. Don’t let his behaviour dictate how, and who, you are going to be.

I started this journey with so much love, compassion and Patience (hence my title) but I’m lost. I can still find love for who he was but certainly not this version of him. I feel like my compassion and patience is wearing thin. Everyday as home time approaches the pit of doom returns to my stomach for what I might face next.

I like your thread title - finding patience and facing fear.

I understand your compassion and patience is starting to wear thin. Expectations are not helping either. You are expecting, worrying, and fearing, the next thing you might face.

Indifference. Compassionate indifference. This is the time you need to find indifference; to let go or be dragged.

Don’t worry you can be both compassionate and indifferent. Indifference bolsters patience, lessens fear, and helps re-focus yourself.

I do empathize with you being lost. It’s the love disappearing, the love you started this journey with. It’s ok. It’s just being put away for safe keeping, for later. It’s indifference taking hold. Have faith, it will feel wrong and weird at first.

Indifference allows you to grow and find your beliefs and yourself. It protects you from H’s behaviour. Without indifference H’s actions and words will eat away at your love like an acid. Resentment will continue to build. Compassion will wither.

It is good you can still find your love for old H. Love for new H is quite a different matter. In time that does alter.

We all need a certain level of understanding to let go. So no worries with all the analyzing, we all did it too.

Focus on you, and keep moving forward.

D