Well, hello everyone. I do love coming here and reading everyone;s perspecitves, opinions and suggestions and the different views give me alot to explore.
OLD- My feelings about it. It is the best chance a working single mom has to meet people. And now that we have a "new norm" it is probably the only way, quite honestly. Where and how could I possibly meet anyone else? Work: well, apparently married men. WHICH btw, I would never ever act upon ever in a million years. I work at a community hospital, there are no single available men. I can't do my exercise anymore at gyms with groups where i could meet a guy or someone who could hook me up with a guy. Organically has become near impossible where I live. Nothing group related or social is happening. And it's sad.
The quality: 2 out of those 3 of my blasts from the past on bumble I had met offline. Set up with one, the other, known through my friend. We weren't even set up when we went out years ago. We had a common dislike for someone that brought us together. I have met some non-winners off line as well as online. I don't think the quality online is any different that what I have met in person. There is a higher volume online so a bigger chance of more failures. The recent guys I have met aren't even "low quality" just not what I am looking for and the chemistry wasn't there for me. The one stunk who just ghosted me, but whatever. Truth be told I know plenty of successful online relationships. I just haven't been so fortunate online or in person for that matter. FOcusing on friendships- well, the pandemic kind of killed those for me too. My best friend and I haven't seen eachother since the beginning of the year. We are connected less than we have ever been before. My other close friends live kind of far, but I do see them when I can. I have become closer to my coworkers lately and been more social out of work which has been really nice because I work with incredible humans. But unfortunately my friendships aren't fulfilling my craving for emotionally intimacy and closeness.
NOt Looking and having the right person walk in when I least expect it. It's been almost 13 years. I have had my periods of not wanting anyone just doing me, and I am always focused on my D12. Our R is great. In the last 13 years when I wasn't looking, no one has ever magically appeared in my life. It has never worked that way for me. I feel like I almost depend too much on my R with my D for my companionship. She is just about 13 with friends and a little life of her own. She will also be spending more time with her dad. I love her so much and legit enjoy doing stuff with her. I'm happy I don't have a kid who hides in her room when I am home and hangs out me with. It won't be much longer I'm sure.
I do think swiping through bumble is not the best idea. It becomes more discouraging. ANd I am in just about the weirdest headspace right now.
Raw, honest truth: I want a guy to care about me. I want someone to take care of me emotionally. To give a cr@p about me. To be a little head over heels about me. To pursue me. To think I am special. BUT NOT for the reason of me not being able to do any of that for myself. I have been doing it for so many years. I don't want to do it all myself anymore. I so want to experience this before I die. Maybe it sounds crazy or pathetic, but I truly desire this. ANd I really just find emotionally distant men. I want to be able to lean on someone.
That being said, I am going to step back. When I saw M in person thinking it could have possibly been a new GF, I handled that better than the online dating profile. See what he desires, how he presents himself, those pictures. That has affected me and i don't know why. I think I hate that he broke up with me. Shot my ego. I should have been the one to break up with him
on another note. We had a tropical storm here. Took out tons of power, and downed trees and one huge huge branch fell on my patio. I was going ot go buy a saw or something and take care of it. But without asking, my ex showed up at my house with his chainsaw and cut it all up and bagged it. and fixed a part of my dishwasher. WTF? Seriously. It makes me nuts. I have him a package of frozen hamburgers he likes and a sincere thank you. But it baffles me and messes with my head.Oh, and I am one of very few to have power so I have been supplying people i need of bags of ice and space in my freezer. I do what I can.
That was a long one. If you made it, kudos. But I always appreciate everyones perspective and support.
My life is very uncomfortable right now. ANd for the first time in a long time, part of me is slightly scared of my current situation. I am usually a tough guy, but not right now. I dont know why, but i have become really uncomfortable with being alone. ANd I always have been COMFORTABLE with it, even if I desired a partner. But now I am uncomfortable with it. But i am not to the point where I will be with anyone not for the sake of being alone. But if I am being truly honest, it's the first time I feel very unsettled and like i need someone.
So now is maybe the time to walk away from looking for anyone. SO I don't make any stupid choices. ANd it would probably benefit me to get to the bottom of this weird place I am not familiar with.
