Divorce and Acceptance part 5

[Pax_luv]

Hello!
It’s been a while. Just popping in. This place continues to be the safe space for when I need to vent. To this date, I’m so glad I came across this community many years ago!

Speaking of years- I had a good chuckle the other day. I had the realization that I’ve been in a (professional) relationship with my divorce attorney for far longer than I was even married. Huh. Interesting and sad at the same time.

Well things are starting to ramp up as we approach our trial. It’s frustrating and exasperating. I’m finding myself getting triggered and moreso recognizing the physiological effects of the stress. Now that I know how my body reacts to trauma, I can do things to manage it. I know that exercise and sleep need to my utmost priority.

Ex has made good on his threat and is doing everything possible to demonstrate why I am “entitled” to nothing from our life together. As I mentioned before, he was a sneak with our finances and may have been playing me the entire marriage. That part stings. Also, having to prove that I was a contributing partner in our marriage is very demoralizing. I won’t get into it, but it feels undignified to have to provide evidence of all this. It’s just a dagger in the heart every time I have to reconcile this. I felt the pain and angst once we split, but to realize that he was playing me all along is just crazy making. It’s like another layer of pain that I have to work through. What a scum bag.

Outside of this, life is good. I’m staying in and working from home. I’m really really eager for the trial to be over and i pray for justice and fairness.