I am going to present the numbers, when his vacation is over. I read what you wrote, and I only NEED financial security if we divorced. Right now, it is status quo with me receiving the paycheck and paying bills.
I am glad you have the financial amounts figured out. Why are you presenting them to H? What are you looking to achieve for you?
As you say, right now it’s status quo, and your posts make it sound like it’s working.
Gather information and keep it to yourself. Especially if you are not currently proposing a separation. Anything you give him, particularly in writing, can and will be used against you later. Those numbers, in a few months, could have a low estimate or not have taken in some infrequent expenses, but H will hold hard to that paperwork. People in emotional turmoil do tend to bring forth all kinds of legal threats and mumbo jumbo. It’s best to just steer clear of that minefield.
If a future negotiation, dissolvement of your partnership (remain business-like, less emotion), we’re to take place you present your facts then. Until then, keep your information to yourself. Do not share with the other side. You may never need too. And if the need suddenly comes up, you are prepared.
If all is status quo and you have no misgivings, maybe don’t rock the boat. I believe that fits in with your present desires and outlook regarding marriage and divorce. Just be ready in case.
Originally Posted by PLC
Am I wrong to think that this weekend possibly did not go as planned? I know that does not mean he wants me if it didn't, but with a WW, did you ever notice mood changes that you had no hand in? Sometimes I can think of what outside interference is bothering him, like his job, but this is definitley not me.
When my XW first left with OM, she flaunted it all over town. On social media (until our divorce and when I blocked her, 18 months after BD) OM had never been photographed or specifically mentioned. XW still had wedding pictures, anniversary pictures, but removed me as her husband and didn’t enter anyone as in a relationship with her. XW told me it’s because OM likes to be private.
It’s hard to say what these MLCers are thinking. I suspect H’s weekend may not have gone as planned. What that means, who knows? His journey is all about him. The OW isn’t really even along for the ride; she is just a band aid, which will be ripped off once it’s purpose is fulfilled.
Yes, there are plenty of mode changes in H that you have no hand in. Friends tend to distance themselves from the MLCer. Only enablers provide what the crisis person is after; and everyone else gets treated rather poorly. Friendships don’t work that way, and inevitable the MLCer progresses toward a lonelier and lonelier existence. They might have people/enablers around them, but they are lonely inside.
His mood swings, the silence on social media, and so on, is pretty common. These people are in depression and pull inward, emotionally shutting out the world.
Originally Posted by PLC
Anyway, I hate to say it, but when his mood changes like this, I realize Fantasy land may not be so perfect and I like that.
It’s ok to like that!
Fantasy land is not perfect. H is still suffering, his running into fantasy has done nothing to remedy his torment. He has added to it, and just put off facing it. Of course he is too emotionally immature to see that. When his day of reckoning comes, he will have heaped on much more than he started with.
It takes a certain amount of understanding to let go. I believe you are walking a fine path my friend. Continue moving forward. Continue considering what you see and the advice you receive.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
