Originally Posted by cardinal
Kindly, I wanted my meeting to make me feel empowered and businesslike, but instead I feel vulnerable and like I won’t be able to convey to anyone accurately how H is trying to bully me.

Hiya, I’m so sorry that Your meeting was not empowering or fully on your side with regards to the house and car. Some of what they said may be the facts but it took me 3 consultations before I found someone who I liked...unfortunately that didn’t mean “what I wanted to hear”. Not for a second am I suggesting that that is what you are doing but I think it’s good to remember (and I have to tell myself this too) that any knowledge is empowering because it gives you educated choices and a more guided path. I spent the first half a year hiding from not wanting to hear that I can’t afford to stay in my house. I then decided that doesn’t matter right now ...that’s a future problem that can’t be figured out now, but I can save like crazy, pick up extra jobs and start pursuing the option of getting a room mate. It was time for me to get creative IF I want to even try and stay here....

Not to mention how much they change their minds ...H may be saying he’s staying cause he knows it’s a good button to push with you...be large and in charge! This home is as much yours as it is his right now! NOBODY puts baby in a corner! (Sorry couldn’t resist)

I don’t fully believe my L understands the bullying and abusive dynamic either but she follows my wishes and gives good legal advice.

Ie: I told her this was going to be a slow moving train....those words left my mouth based on wisdom from this site but I had no idea at the time just how slow ...and I’m still only a year in. She sits and waits for H or H’s L to make a move and is baffled when weeks and weeks go by. His L has even set 3 deadlines now over 5 months to exchange disclosure...still hasn’t happened!! I believe that once a L starts working with you they will begin to see just from H’s behaviours. Document everything...every attack, every threatening situation...even if nothing can be done about it better to have everything at your finger tips. Also empower yourself by maybe picking up a night shift somewhere ...it’ll get you out of the house more and extra income ...(I know easier said than done right now...but you never know)

Definitely go for another consult, I found I was really able to build a better understanding of what he could and couldn’t do after multiple consults. Thinking of you and hope this next one feels a little better.
((((Hugs)))

Last edited by job; 08/06/20 12:18 PM. Reason: added space between paragraphs