And as for understanding the past? We're not talking about rewriting history, but maybe taking off the rose-colored glasses and realizing the truth of who your husband was and is. He controlled the finances in a way that benefits him in the divorce and that was not a true partnership. He treated you in ways you recognize your mother would have considered abusive.
There's a lot that's abusive about the way he treated you, even if it wasn't physically abusive. It's important for you to recognize that so you don't fall into another abusive relationship in the future.
