No changes on WAW - Pack_19 Part II

[Pack_19]

Yo LH! hahahaha you are always sharp! Yes English is not my mother tongue so I cannot put things as clearly as sometimes I wished.

I dont need anyone to take care of me, I am pretty good on that myself! I meant in the way of promising to be there and offer you affection and support throughout life.

There haven't been changes in my situation. The work project is going better and I have realized I am heavily influenced in my mood based on how work is going (I wonder if it is something I need to work on or it just is part of my "responsible man package"), this means my mood is better. I haven't spoken to W since our phone conversation. I am really looking forward to my holidays but I never thought I would be planning a summer where we are strangers (those expectations from Pack, some of them still alive...)

My IC gave me the task to analyze and make a list of all good and bad tings me and W have brought to our M. I am not sure where she is going because long ago I made a list of reasons to fight for this and I maintain it.

Back to the making things worse! Isnt that thinking about doing something to see how W reacts? I mean it in terms of showing her she is going to lose me and that I am done with her BS. I miss sex badly, it has been a year and this [censored]. I am reading DR again and on step 2 I cannot come up with new goals for my R. I think I am not in that stage, I think no matter what I do, say or set as my goals it cannot have anything to do with W because she is moved on from our M. My personal goals are set and I am going after them no matter what.

The DB anniversary is coming up in a couple of days. People outside of my M seem to have a very clear picture that W is done and I am sadly stuck in a past that is false. Should I then file and move on? I know filing will not erase my feelings for W, but maybe I can force myself to move on and stop thinking about her every morning when I open my eyes. I dont know what to do, she asks for a separation, she tells me this does not have to end like this and she says it is my fault we are not piecing by now. What does this woman want? she is going to drive me crazy!

I wonder if I should talk to other women. I was with a good friend yesterday who told me "Pack she is behaving like a b@tch now but wait until she sees you walking next to another woman.. she will go crazy", I dont know if that would happen because she seems to hate every aspect of me.

I told W over the phone if she would like it I can drive to where they are to spend some time with the kids or maybe go for a walk the 4 of us, I said I would respect her decision. Maybe I made a mistake there but when I left the kids with her S6 made a comment on how 15 days were many days without seeing me. I agreed and told him I would do my best to go see them.

@ Sandi, have you given up on me?

Maybe I should take a more objective view on this and just move on. I find myself wondering if W still loves me or at least appreciates me as a father, if that is enough to restore love and how long it would take if it is ever to happen. All I want is a clear conversation, even if that is for her to say look I still want a D and then I would say ok goodbye and be happy! But is killing me the way all I have heard since covid is "I dont want to talk to you about this" or "I have already answered to you"