SJohn.... that really [censored] about the family vacay. I know how it feels but you have to start thinking of it as the kids going somewhere with their mom...not a family vacay. Family vacays aren’t happening anymore unfortunately. I get that that is probably just a technicality but when my kids do stuff with their dad, I don’t think of it as family time...I choose to think of it as dad time. My thoughts regarding how to manage this besides the reframe? Plan your own getaway with your kids. It doesn’t have to be an epic trip...even a couple days will help. Make your own memories that don’t include their mom. Last year, my XH took OW to Hawaii on our 12th wedding anniversary. My solution to that was to take our kids and his mom (yes, I know...weird but they love their grandma and she loved going with us) to San Diego. We had a blast and I barely thought about XH at all.
Detachment is key SJohn. Keep working on it. When you find yourself focusing on what was lost, turn your focus to what has been gained. If you can’t think of many things, that tells you that this is what you need to be paying more attention to. For myself, I have met and made many new friends I would not have met if we were still together. I’ve strengthened existing friendships. I’ve worked on me. I went after and got a new higher-paying job. I’ve set some goals. I’ve dated and even though I haven’t met someone significant yet, it has helped me realize that there are other people out there. Good people who appreciate what I have to offer. I’ve said goodbye to my old life and the future I thought I would have and I’m working on building a new one. The more I do this, the less my XH and his activities affect me. I was a mess two years ago. Did not think I would ever find relief from the pain of it. I am so much stronger now and I am happy. I barely think of him anymore and I did not think that was possible. You can get there too. (((HUGS)))
