KC, I feel for you. It seems you want his validation so much. It looks like you try to take the lion's share of the blame, and justify what he did/is doing. You didn't deserve him being a butthole and leaving.

I definitely in the past struggled with being a "fixer" due to my previous marriage where my idiot alcoholic POS XH would say he did stuff, and turns out he didn't, so I put all the pressure on myself to get stuff done because if I didn't do it, I couldn't trust him to. It's strange how that showed up in ways I didn't anticipate in my 2nd marriage. I'm not sure if you've read anything on codependency, but a lot of that ties into the fixer dynamic, and it looks like that here a lot of times.

I've referenced giving people the dignity to fail before, and think it really applies here. Let him make his own mistakes. Let him get his own lawyer. He is an adult man and can do these things without you, and that doesn't mean you're worth less as a person.

Last edited by job; 08/05/20 12:49 PM. Reason: added space between paragraphs