Thank you for your responses. I am confused.

I spoke with my therapist, who has been along for the ride. We were discussing the finances that I figured out and how I was going to approach.

We discussed how before he kept everything private by only telling me he did not want to be married 15 months ago to last week telling my daughter 25 and then me he wants a divorce, how now it is more definite vs keeping it from everyone last year.

I am angry, I am hurt and I am bewildered why when someone tells you that you were a great wife and mother that they get to bomb the relationship into a million pieces and say, "I don't want to be enemies" Well I do. (not really) but, my IC has known me for many years and she suggested I let him see me mad, hurt or sad. This to me is opposite of DB, but I understand her point, as I have been reserved, non confrontational and letting H dictate how this is going.

H is supposed to come home from a trist tomorrow then leave for 10 days to go on vacation with his uncle and dad. IC suggested, when he is back from the long vacation, say, (I have phrased in the points I wold like to say) " I have worked out the money situation, what I would need in order to keep the house and live in it. I want to show you our finances so you can see where we stand and we can see what needs to be done to get to this point."
" I also want to ask why after 30 years of being together, and me being a good wife and mom, (Your words) would you think it is a great idea to blow up our marriage. I know that you say you are not happy, but in what way? I know that we have not had intimate relations in long time, but that does not mean it cannot happen again. We both were guilty of not wanting S-X. I have spent the last 28 years being your wife, your best friend and mother to your only child. We have made this house a home, so I wonder why you want to blow it up?"

DB friends, I realize if he thinks he is leaving, this would be last ditch, but I do want him to know that I am angry and sad and hurt. Can I do this without looking like I am pursuing him?

Any suggestions on what to say that is advantageous to a non divorce?

PLC