Still married couple from Scandinavia Part 2

[BenB]

I've tried to post as little as possible. I never had any conversation about us with XW after all. I just noticed hints that she wasn't ready to commit to anything so I pulled back. But I got tired of the process. Even the slightest sign of interest from me and I could tell she would get weird again. So I stopped. I stopped seeing her, I went NC, not as a strategy, but to keep me sane.

Besides all this, I've been feeling down for a while now. I did a blood test to find out I have low testosterone levels. 12 nmol/L to be exact if anyone is interested in these things. In USA I would probably get TRT easily but here they consider this normal for my age. Few things make me happy these days but when they do, I'm only happy for a short period of time.

Richard Pryor said in an interview once, "Laughter is a great healer of pain, but the laugh is over and then there's the pain again". That is how I feel. When I'm with my friends and family I must seem so strong to them for having been through all this, but when they leave and I'm alone again...there's the pain again.

Today would have been my second wedding anniversary. So I was married 1 year and 364 days. I received the email from court about the divorce being final and forwarded it to XW. She replied and said she received it as well with a sad emoji.

5 minutes later she sent a link to some restaurant and asked if I had been there. I was in and out of meetings yesterday so didn't answer until much later. She wrote again "Has work picked up again?" I answered and said no, I'm having meetings for a new project"

That's it so far.