Ending Limbo

[Core]

Thank you guys. Hard staying away from these boards. I decided to stick around during the process and to just not discuss any of the finer details here.

As usual with my posts, events have me spinning a bit. W was served a couple days ago. She chatted with me a couple times since. Asking me what to do, what I want. Blaming me for filing and not discussing it. Says she was still figuiring out what she wanted to do. She had a few blatant lies in the discussions. What has me confused though is how normal she is acting. Like not angry, not sad. Totally stable. Thats a good thing dont get me wrong. Im surprised to see it. Im surprised she had no plan for Ding yet. None. Not sure what she did the past few months. Im also shocked that someone can be discussing the end of an M with little to no emotion. I realise a part of me was hoping she'd at least be upset. Ive seen myself as valuable so the easy discards affecting me a bit. Also this makes me seem like the crazier unstable one. Such as, how am I the only one upset, how does she have no guilt, if shes this stable while talking D, then surely the problem is me. Easy in those moments of discussions to forget whats occurred the last few months.

I wonder how much W was making up during the chats and what was manipulating. She's talking sense in the discussions or it seems that way.

Its so much more real now. Back when they served her, it felt official. As I've mostly been checked out since March it should be easier but her seeming so normal and stable has me feeling guilty. Time may tell if this was the right choice. I'm inches closer to seeing my kids less, the 2nd worst part of all for me. What they'll feel is the worst. Third worst is raising them solo. Not just a couple years but their whole lives as they are so young.

Hoping you all have some 2x4s or something to club me with. I was 100% sure when I filed, I know shes not good for me, I know I'll be just fine yet my workouts are lacking, anxiety is seeping in a bit more and a few conversations have me doubting what I did was right. Just awful facing the last few days.