I cant understand why this has affected me so much. I dont know if its the fact that going up to see mil was our annual family trip or the fact that mil has agreed to meet the ow. I dont think it matters too much why, but i feel rubbish about it. Like im being replaced.
Im really keen to separate finance now, he is spending Too much out of our joint account and of course this is how he is funding this little trip too! Thats is not ok. Almost like he it taking advantage before we split things because mondy will be tight once we do.
We find that LBS that get affected by these kinds of things the most are the ones that are keeping expectations, even if deep down only. Gigi, he is not likely to snap out of this anytime soon. There will be much more that feel like slaps to the face in the future. This is why we were trying to get you to see that there was little you could do about the kids meeting OW. Split holidays, separate birthday celebrations for the kids, taking them on vacation with OW, etc. Lots of things you have to face moving forward. You have to face the reality that your MR, for now, is over. You need to embrace the fact that you will likely end up D'd.
Have you consulted an attorney? Separating finances is a legal thing and you need legal advice to make sure what you are proposing is legal and in your best interests.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I hear you about expectations, i dont think its that, but it feels like by doing this he has alienated me from his family even more. My family live abroad and i dont have anyone here to support. I think thats why i am affected by it.
Re finance we are in uk. He wants to split it himself, there isnt much to split. Its mainly joint account where we no longer need them. I seem to be the sensible person and he seems to just spend my money and his on his little ventures.
Im likely to move country Steve, so not much sharing will be happening, at the moment that is my desired outcome.
I hear you about expectations, i dont think its that, but it feels like by doing this he has alienated me from his family even more. My family live abroad and i dont have anyone here to support. I think thats why i am affected by it.
Expectation on your part: That his family will continue to be your family.
It won't. His family is his family. You cannot expect to continue to have the same relationship with them post D.
Originally Posted by Gigi123
Re finance we are in uk. He wants to split it himself, there isnt much to split. Its mainly joint account where we no longer need them. I seem to be the sensible person and he seems to just spend my money and his on his little ventures.
Im likely to move country Steve, so not much sharing will be happening, at the moment that is my desired outcome.
Talk to a lawyer. These things are complex. Especially with kids involved.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So i havent heard from H since Sunday when he left after seeing the boys, which is the longest he hasnt txt, but he was away at his mums with ow.
Txt tonight asking about the boys, i kept the convo to boys only, but he was persistent in each message asking how i was?
How do you tackle that? In the end i just said, very good and continued answering questions about the boys. Im assuming i dont ask any questions re his trip or how he is or how his mum is? So no chit chat?
Ok wrong use of words, he asked me specific questions about the kids and the arrangements for tomorrow to see them. I answered his questions, thats it. Very dry convo, but in every txt he asked how was I and i ignored it.
I feel for you. I was extremly close with my MIL and FIl and losing them as well as my wife is hurting. I cant imagine them welcoming OM into the family.
Steve is right. I'm in the same boat as you with needing to drop all expectations. Expect nothing Gigi. Expect that you will no longer have affiliation with your in laws and you will create a new life for yourself where you WILL be happy.
If we end up divorced then we can't expect to still remain close with their families. It is their families. I know my MIL is heartbroken over this whole thing but blood is thicker than water and will stick by her daughter which means not carrying on a relationship with her ex after Divorce. I expect nothing from them.
I'm really sorry you're dealing with that Gigi. I know how much it hurts. I hope you're doing okay.
