I'm not a seasoned legal divorce expert or anything of the sort, but a few things stand out. You might already know these things, or I could be off base.
"My WAW has a narrative: I'm a monster. She's a victim. Full stop." As you know, by not using mediation (I'm not sure if you're still trying) both people are basically saying, "we can't be trusted to agree on day to day decisions, so could the judge/nanny state make them for us." So you get hardline decisions that might include only using that one doctor, or only parent pays for college etc. That's not to say that's how it will go with your D, but that's a hurdle you'll need to clear. That is to say, we can't agree because she's nuts. That said, it is my understanding that going into divorce court with a victim mentality is a sure fire way to embarrass yourself. Let her continue to do this.
You mentioned in a previous post that she has poor relations with her family. Could they come to your side? That happens.
"She apologized recently to me, in person, for the first time I can recall, and all I could think was, "She only apologized because her lawyer told her to."
Lawyers never tell their client to apologize before trial. That's not to say she was definitely sincere. I'd doubt it too.
"I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass over me. When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain."
