Yep... hard “no” on meeting the OW. I had a similar experience with my XH’s OW who was in denial that their relationship started out as an affair. Said she was sorry I “felt” that way as opposed to just looking at the facts. People do perform some amazing mental gymnastics to justify their behaviour. Anyway...just keep doing your thing. Sounds like you are doing great and have the right attitude to see you through this difficult time. You’re rocking this Gigi!! (((HUGS)))
Thank you for the virtual hugs, they are much needed today!
The only days i feel a bit down are the days when H has the boys, its not even because they do cool stuff without me, its primarily around the fact that he often drags kids to meet ow somewhere, and its frustrating to me because on a number if occasions kids have come back and said some odd things.
Like ow said that daddys tummy is ticklish....just those fairly innocent things, but not so innocent for a 6 year old to remember out of the whole day. I might be overthinking, but i can see how this can all be emotionally damaging for the kids long term.
Thank you for the virtual hugs, they are much needed today!
The only days i feel a bit down are the days when H has the boys, its not even because they do cool stuff without me, its primarily around the fact that he often drags kids to meet ow somewhere, and its frustrating to me because on a number if occasions kids have come back and said some odd things.
Like ow said that daddys tummy is ticklish....just those fairly innocent things, but not so innocent for a 6 year old to remember out of the whole day. I might be overthinking, but i can see how this can all be emotionally damaging for the kids long term.
It is certainly confusing for the. Kids are not dumb. They know that spending time with each parent separately isn't normal. They know having another woman tickle daddy isn't normal. So you may want to push to tell the kids sooner rather than later.
Just casually mention: "Kids are saying things that suggest they are confused by all of this. We need to schedule time to sit them down together and explain to them what is happening."
If he ignores it, then give him a deadline: "We need to schedule a time soon to tell the kids. If you don't agree to do so in the next 4 weeks, then I will have to have a conversation with them alone."
I know it is scary, but it is necessary since he is behaving the way he is with OW around them.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You are right and i need to put my big girl pants on and have that conversation with him.
Boys and i are going away for two weeks To see my family, i dont think it would be wise to tell them before we go, we are back last week in august and i will need to have that convo with him.
He is in no rush at all, but i think its because he is scared how the boys will react to the fact that daddy is leaving. He was very close to them and knows that this will affect their relationship. But he needs to take responsibility for His choices in life.
Unless of course he is having second thoughts, but that remains to be seen!
Ao he dropped the boys off and of course the ow was there with them!
I asked him if he went on his own (mistake!) and he said ow came too. And that apparently it wasnt planned etc but my son really wanted her to come etc. So basically he said to me that as i have done for the whole of our marriage i sucked the fun out of a great day!
Anyway he said he wants to have a convo as she wants to move in together! And apparently he is close to having everything sorted! I really am not sure how as we have joint finance and nothing to spare!
I saw his mum on tuesday and she has spoken to him and has said that he basically doesnt want to introduce ow to anyone as its not like that.....
So he is lying to someone, just don't know who?!
Did speak to him About telling the kids, and agreed to schedule a date to tell them after we are back from hols.
Listen and validate. Make no commitments. When he asks you questions like "can you agree to x y z?" You say, "I can't answer right now, I need time to process everything."
Remember, you owe him nothing. He is a lying cheater and doesn't get to dictate things to you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So he wants to move forward in terms of finance, so he can afford to live in his own and have the boys, no details, just a desire to sot down and discuss
He is taking ow to meet his mum.....so that will be interesting
So he started some convo around the fact that he had ic and understands what was wrong in Our relationship and that i didnt listen when He was saying that we need help in out relationship and we need to fix it. He is right i didnt listen because i was too exhausted constantly working and taxying the kids around. So as far as he is concerned it was my fault and the break up for him happened over the 18 months not in march 2020. I just nodded to all of that.
He is adamant that no going back, he is moving forward and trying to set stuff up for himself but will be supporting me and the boys.
LH makes a very good point and maybe he will repost for you here about WW have been trying to save the M for awhile and you didnt even know you were on trial. He has had a lot more time to adjust to his decision. And you've only had since March.
And, frankly he isnt coming back in this moment. Feelings are fluid and change all the time.
You can do 1000 things to make sure he never comes back or you can do nothing outside the fact that you are living your life to the best you can. Remember people tend to want what they can't have. Become that amazing ungetable girl! That's attractive... living your life like you don't need him Way easier said than done.... I know!!!!!
I just validated him and listened when he was saying that he already grieved for our relationship and so on and that i destroyed it basically. I absolutely get that he had longer to adjust.
I feel ok, sad for the boys when they find out. Otherwise good. Very reasonable re finance so pleased with that.
I dont intend to do anything, but communicate around children and thats it really.
No mention of divorce, which i find odd as he is clearly with ow and meeting mil just sets that in stone for now.
I also have an option to move countries! To be closer to my family, which in actively considering at the moment!
